I was recently discussing with some friends what we find attractive in people. As we were all good friends, the conversation was an open and candid one. Some of us prefer people who can carry on a great conversation and for others, looks are important. The word ‘shallow’ was mentioned as a personality trait related to the preference for looks over the gift of the gab. And I said, without reflecting, “being shallow is not a characteristic, it is a matter of taste.”
Hours after that discussion, I continue to think about exactly what I had said. Is being shallow really a matter of taste or a personality trait? Can we prefer beautiful people as partners and still be a person of substance?
More than often, we equate people who choose their partners on the basis of physical beauty, as being shallow. And being shallow is often not considered as a positive trait. In all honesty, however, there is nothing wrong with ‘being shallow’ just as there is nothing wrong to liking tea over coffee. It is a preference. And preferences, while they colour our choices, do not define our person.
There is a caveat. If your preference gives way to complete disrespect of other preferences, then it becomes a trait that is not useful for personal development – namely, intolerance or prejudice.
I am a cheerleader for tolerance and acceptance. Having been given the gift of uniqueness and individuality, I feel that it is wise for us to practise gratitude through acceptance of one another’s preferences and traits.
It is possible to choose beauty and still have a depth of character. It is also equally possible to prefer people with whom we can have a conversation and still be a person of no substance.
With all preferences and choices, it is important to practise awareness so that we are not blinded by them. It is about learning how to look through different lenses and see things in changing light. Perspective is helpful. It is a fact that standing too close to something blurs your vision. Learn to take a step or more back to see the whole picture and you may see things you have missed on first sight.
Perhaps it is a question of changing the vocabulary used to describe people who choose on the basis of beauty? Beauty-based people? Or just simply people who like good looks? Visual people?
We live in a visually stimulating world. We watch politicians, movie stars, music artists, all famous people and even YouTube videos of regular people in interesting situations. We buy clothes from seeing how beautiful people look in them, and by this I mean models. It is natural to be influenced by how things and people look. The key is perspective and to remember that key-hole viewpoints do not tell the whole story.
MyMohio 